Month: <span>March 2025</span>

Autism Mental Wellness Uncategorized By Beth Church 0 Comments

Transitions on the Spectrum

 

Written by Jessica Hauser-Harrington, PhD, LP

Spring is a time of transitions and new beginnings. For high school seniors, it brings the end of their secondary education, and often, the transition to college or jobs. For seniors on the Autism Spectrum, it can be a time of both excitement and celebration, as well as one of potential anxiety and uncertainty. Fortunately, with planning and preparation, worries can be reduced and celebrations enjoyed more thoroughly.

Marking the Transition

These transitions are typically marked with milestone celebrations such as graduation ceremonies and parties. For an individual with ASD, large crowds, loud noises, and the need to sit still in one place for extended periods of time can be challenging. Pre-planning strategies to manage sensory overload, anxiety, and fatigue during these milestone celebrations is key. Can they wear ear buds or noise dampening/canceling headphones? If there will be long stretches of time between meals, is there a way to pack a snack? Is there a comfort object or fidget that might help the sitting and waiting feel less stressful? Is it possible to sit near an aisle where getting up and taking a break would be more feasible? Will your son or daughter want to take pictures before the ceremony, after, or on a different day?

When it comes to graduation parties, don’t assume that your child will or won’t want a party. Discuss expectations for the number of guests, the foods served, and how social you want your child to be at the part. This is their first time around celebrating this milestone, and discussing expectations will leave more room for joy.  It may also be useful to pre-plan breaks or “calm down” areas if the party extends over what is a typical interval of interaction time for your child. Would a different type of celebration altogether be more enjoyable–be willing to think outside the box. Finally, make sure to discuss expectations with siblings and extended family members who may also be joining in celebrating your senior.

Transitioning to College

If your son or daughter is transitioning to college, planning ahead is also important. Some teenagers think they will automatically acquire a certain level of responsibility, initiative or skill just by becoming a “college student.” Unfortunately, that’s not usually the case. Whether it’s six months ahead or six weeks ahead or maybe just 6 days ahead, have discussions about what life skills are needed to be successful at college above and beyond the academic demands and start practicing. If they don’t know how to already, teaching your child how to do laundry, how to cook some basic meals, how to manage basic finances (including setting up a bank account that a parent has access to as well), and how to navigate bus systems or public transportation (if applicable) will be important. Use a scaffolding technique, where you demonstrate basic skills, allow your child to replicate them with supervision, and then add on more complex or advanced skills as they progress. You may also consider creating social stories, checklists or algorithms around these new responsibilities that your child can take with them to college.

Many colleges and universities also have ASD-specific programs to help support your son or daughter both academically and socially. Making sure to look into these options and apply to them (if required) ahead of time. Similarly, if your child has an IEP or 504 plan, these can transition into college-level accommodations. Ensuring that your child’s testing is up to date is also a key part of this process as most colleges and universities will want recent testing data. Contacting the school’s office of student support services to learn what their requirements are and what the process is to get the accommodations set up is important and something that you may need to do with your child. If your son or daughter is 18 or older, make sure that they sign the necessary releases of information that will allow you to also communicate with university staff as needed.

If your child sees a therapist at home, consider options for telehealth (if in the same state or allowed by the therapist’s licensing/credentials) or seek out referrals in your child’s new city. Most, if not all, colleges and universities have counseling centers on campus that offer both individual therapy as well as group therapy options. The session number per student might be limited though, so identifying clinicians in the local community is also a great idea. Also, if your child takes regular medications, make plans to have a large enough supply, transfer the prescriptions to a pharmacy on or near campus, or look into mail-order delivery. If your son or daughter will be picking up their medications on their own for the first time, practice going to the pharmacy with them. 

Transitioning to a Job

If your son or daughter is transitioning to a job, utilize resources from your local school district. She or he may have options to take interest inventories that may help point him or her in the direction of a job or work environment they may be interested in. Public schools also have specific transition planning for students with IEPs. Job training resources through the school district or MichiganWorks can be an option to help build skills and identify potential jobs. Helping your son or daughter to be realistic about the number of hours he or she feels they can work, whether he or she wants a public-facing or behind the scenes job, and what level of supervision he or she will require is important. Discussions around managing finances, contributing at home financially and/or through chores will help clarify expectations for your adult child and the changing relationship you may have with them as they age. 

Additional Resources and Relevant Websites for Adolescents and Adults with ASD/CI/DD

Community Mental Health Oakland County https://www.oaklandchn.org/ 

Autism Alliance of Michigan (call to get resource information sometimes better than navigating their online system) https://autismallianceofmichigan.org/ 

Living and Learning Enrichment Center (www.livingandlearningcenter.org) 248-308-3592

OUCARES at Oakland University (http://www.oakland.edu/oucares/): for Adult social groups and employment skills 248-370-2424

On My Own: Independent living resources for adults (https://onmyownofmi.org/)

MORC: Services for individuals with physical and intellectual disabilities in Oakland County (https://www.morcinc.org/)

Community Living Services: https://www.comlivserv.com/ 

The ARC of Oakland County: Non-profit that focuses on advocacy and community participation for individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities (https://thearcoakland.org/) 

Michigan Rehabilitation Services: https://www.michigan.gov/leo/bureaus-agencies/mrs

Possible places to find additional support:

Friendship Circle: https://www.friendshipcircle.org/

SAIL (group of parents in the area looking for living solutions for their adult children with special needs): https://sailhousingsolutions.org/

Family Therapy Parenting Relationships Stress By Beth Church 0 Comments

Forging Your New Family Portrait: How to Shield Kids’ Mental Health During Divorce

Written by Jessi Beatty PhD, LP
Edited by Julie Braciszewski, PhD, LP

The choice to separate or divorce from a partner is complex and incredibly difficult. However, separation or divorce can be the best decision for everyone involved, including the children. Research has shown that children who  are exposed to open, unresolved conflict between their parents regularly are more stressed than children from divorced families. Divorce can provide a model of adult behavior and relationships that emphasizes working out problems with compassion, wisdom, and appropriate action. Among the many decisions on reorganizing your lives, are choices about parenting. When divorce is the best option, there are specific ways parents can make the transition smoother and support their children’s mental health.

Forge a new picture of family 

Divorce can be an opportunity to consciously shape your family bonds in a way that feels positive and powerful. Spending a little time reflecting on what was and was not working in your former family configuration will go a long way in forging this path forward. How do you want your new family to relate to each other? What are each family member’s roles and how do they express these in the family system? What aspects of family are most important to you – time spent together, emotional support, humor, respect, independence? In what ways will you be sure these aspects flourish in your family moving forward? 

Stick to the routine as best as possible

Divorce or separation usually causes major disruptions to routines and schedules. Consciously striking  a balance between honoring old routines and establishing new ones can help ease the transitions and provide a sense of stability.  Maintain routine activities like eating dinner together, going on walks, bedtime routines or having weekend movie nights. Make a list of these routines and highlight the ones you are purposely going to stick to in this transition. This helps your family stay connected as well as help maintain typical expectations for behavior. For instance, maintaining your typical chore or homework schedule can help your child meet their responsibilities at home and at school, which in turn helps them feel stable and confident.  You can give a little more grace and patience, but if routines and schedules change drastically, it can be very confusing and make your children feel more out of control.

It’s important to spend time together as a family. This can be with or without the other parent, whichever works best for you and the new relationship you are creating with your former partner. Quality time is a great tool for helping kids feel safe, loved, secure in their relationship with you, and can help to establish a new sense of normal.  

Make sure they have a space that feels like their own

Children can be very concrete, which means they associate complex ideas or relationships with more simple or physical things or spaces. Their understanding of family relationships, stability and safety may be associated or linked with a physical location, like the former family home. Moving to a new home or visiting a parent in their new residence may have a larger, destabilizing emotional impact than expected, bringing sadness, anxiety or negative behaviors to the surface. You can increase your child’s sense of control and ‘ownership’ over this new space by letting them arrange furniture, pick out small items to decorate, and shift some belongings from their previous home into the new space.  

Limit conflict in front of the children

Keeping the lines of communication open between you and your ex-partner regarding the children is very important. Research has consistently shown children cope best when they are not exposed to adults’ ongoing conflicts. If there is high conflict between you and your ex, keep any conversations to basics like pickup and drop off times, doctor’s appointments, important school dates, or necessary information about your children.

Communication should be between the adults. Do not use your children to send messages back and forth between your ex-partner. Possible ways to exchange information include email, a book that goes back and forth with the children or one of the many co-parenting apps that are available. They can help maintain privacy by allowing you to remain in contact with your ex-partner without giving out phone numbers or email addresses, keep track of important dates in the schedule, share key information about the child(ren), and transfer money. Some are free and some charge a fee. In Oakland County, Family Wizard is often the recommended tool for communication between co-parents. 

Use neutral language to describe your ex

This can be one of the most challenging aspects of managing child-parent relationships during and after divorce. The pull to express to your child why and how you, or your child, were wronged can be intense. You may want to describe their other parent’s shortcomings, hurtful behaviors, or negative choices as a way to cope with your own feelings about the situation, or validate the child’s. And while helping to validate a child’s hurt feelings is important, ongoing or regular disparaging comments about the other parent can be very harmful to a child.  This is because when we are little, we form our identities and stable sense of self by associating with our caregivers and loved ones. 

When you speak badly about your ex, your child folds these words into their understanding of themselves, and this hurts your child, as well as your relationship with your child. Eventually the child’s identity becomes more independent and isn’t so entwined with their parents’.  As your child grows and matures, they will be increasingly aware of relationship dynamics and come to their own understanding of their parents’ behaviors. Providing them the room to develop their identity and stable sense of self without disparaging their other parent sets them up for resilience.  

Connected Kids are Healthy Kids

Unless safety is a concern, children benefit from strong relationships with both parents. It’s in the best interest of your child to support the other parent’s connection in their life as best as you can.  Of course it’s hard to do at times, but try to keep your anger, resentment, blame, jealousy, or hatred from impacting your child’s relationship with your ex.  In the aftermath of divorce or separation many people need help sorting through and coping with their strong emotions, and this is totally normal!  Reach out to friends or family to help you process the negative emotions and frustrations, or reach out to us for support.

Conclusion

When divorce is the best option for the family, it can be hard to forge your new family portrait. While this process is difficult, with time and support, families can find ways to grow stronger together, open the door to new beginnings, and create healthier family dynamics overall.