Category: <span>Teenage</span>

Children Therapy Mental Wellness Social Skills Teenage Therapy By Beth Church 0 Comments

Stop the Bullying Power Loop: 10 Ways to Take Back Control

Written by: Sarah Engels, MS, LLP

Whether you’re a kid, teen or adult you might leave interactions with some people and ask, ‘Did they just bully me?’

Whether it’s coming from peers, co-workers or family members, bullying doesn’t always look the way we expect. It can be obvious, like threats, name-calling, or physical aggression, or be quieter, like being deliberately left out, humiliated, or manipulated.

Whatever form it takes, bullying has immediate and long-term effects. Victims are far more likely to experience depression, anxiety, substance use problems and even suicidal thoughts. Because it’s often insidious and part of a larger pattern, it can feel impossible to combat.

If you have experienced bullying, you’re not alone; 20-30% of kids and teens say they have been bullied at school. You might think this decreases as we grow up, but about 30% of adults report feeling bullied at work! Diffusing the power of a bully is a life long skill we all need. 

If you or a loved one has experienced bullying, it’s not your fault. Understanding the bullying cycle can be the first step toward taking the power back. 

The Bullying Power Loop 

When you’re getting bullied it can feel like the same thing just keeps happening over and over, and you’re right! It’s a repeated, identifiable and describable cycle of behaviors and interactions that cause harm, intimidation, humiliation, or exclusion. Each time the bully cycles around these steps, they gain power and loop around to do it again. The better we get at describing each step in the cycle, the easier it is to take back our power.

A bully’s actions can look like:

Verbal: insults, teasing that goes too far, threats, or cruel comments

Physical: hitting, pushing, damaging belongings, or invading personal space

Social: excluding someone, spreading rumors, or turning others against someone

Relational: using friendship, approval, or rejection to control a person

Digital: harassment, humiliation, impersonation, or repeated abusive messages online

Psychological: intimidation, gaslighting, public embarrassment, or constant put-downs

Remember, not every conflict is bullying. People argue, misunderstand one another, or say things they regret. Bullying is different because it’s a pattern of behavior that repeats.

Why Do People Bully?

What’s up with bullies? Why are they doing this? Why is bullying so common in schools and workplaces? 

There isn’t one “type” of person who bullies, but there are common underlying factors that lead to bullying behaviors. Understanding these factors helps us break the bullying power loop.  

Bullies often want control; when a bully sees a difference in power, they often want to capitalize on it to gain more control. Why? Seeking control is our #1 coping strategy to deal with difficult emotions.

Bullies are typically experiencing inner turmoil; anxiety, depression, fragile sense of self-esteem, and insecurity in relationships. It might not look like it on the surface, but bullying patterns are actually a poor attempt at dealing with difficult emotions. Putting someone else down can give a temporary, false inflation of self-esteem and importance. But here’s the trick; it never lasts, which is why bullying is a pattern that repeats unless we use our responses to break the loop. 

And let’s not forget about social status. Bullies often feel their relationships or social standing is fragile, and are seeking constant reassurance that others value them and that they ‘belong’. Unfortunately sometimes the fastest way to get that reassurance is to be cruel; bullies find that this gets attention, laughter, or approval from others. 

Group dynamics also play a big role. People may join in because they don’t want to become the next target, or because they’re going along with the crowd. In those moments, the responsibility for the cruel behavior is diffused. It can feel less personal, and that can make it easier for people to ignore the harm they’re causing.

And sometimes, bullies are repeating what they’ve learned; if they have been bullied, witnessed bullying normalized or praised at home, work or school, it is much more likely they will use these patterns in an attempt to regulate their own emotions and gain control. 

Understanding these factors doesn’t mean the victim needs to help the bully or is responsible for the bully’s actions. But knowing about these factors helps us learn how to short circuit the bullying cycle.

How to Short Circuit the Bullying Cycle

There’s no single, right way to respond to a bully, and having multiple tools is key. What helps depends on your situation, your age, the environment, and most importantly, your safety. When someone repeatedly uses bullying tactics, it starts to feel like they have more power than they actually do. These strategies help you short circuit the bullying cycle and take back the power.

1. Start by trusting your experience

If something keeps happening and it leaves you feeling small, anxious, or unsafe, that matters. You don’t need to “prove” it’s bullying before you’re allowed to take it seriously.

It can help to ask yourself:

  • What keeps happening again and again? 
  • How do I feel before and after it happens?
  • Is there a pattern here?
  • Do I feel safe?
  • Who could support me with this?

2. Tell someone you trust

There’s a common idea that you should be able to handle bullying on your own. But that isn’t realistic or fair! Bullying thrives in secrecy. Bring it into the light to banish the bully.

This is one of the most important steps, even though it can feel difficult. For children, that might be a parent, teacher, school counselor, or another trusted adult. For adults, it might be a friend, manager, HR, or someone outside the situation who can think with you clearly. Sure, telling someone isn’t going to immediately solve the problem, but you will be less alone in the struggle and have added brain power for making a plan.

Try to be specific if you can when talking to someone:

Instead of: “Everyone is against me.”

Try: “This person has made repeated comments about me this week, excluded me from meetings, and sent me messages that felt threatening.”

Details can help others understand what’s really going on.

3. Shift to action mindset: you don’t have to “tough it out”

Sure, someone might have a bad day and be rude, but if you’ve noticed this is a part of a larger pattern, it’s time to take action. Identifying the action and making a plan helps take back the power and reduce distress.

Sometimes action may include assertive tactics listed below, but just as often it includes cutting the bully’s power off in different ways such as walking away, blocking them online, changing your routine, or asking for help. These actions aren’t weakness, they are self-protection.

If there’s any risk of physical harm, physical and psychological safety always comes first. You don’t need to confront someone to prove anything.

4. Don’t give them your self-worth 

A bully’s opinion of you is not a measure of who you are. Their insults may be loud, but that doesn’t make them true. When you notice yourself absorbing what they say, try reminding yourself: “That’s their behavior. It doesn’t define me.”

5. Set simple boundaries when it’s safe

Sometimes a short, calm response is enough:

  • “Don’t speak to me like that.”
  • “That’s unkind”
  • “That’s not okay.”
  • “Stop.”

You don’t need the perfect comeback. The goal is simply to name the boundary and step away. 

Importantly, role playing and practicing these simple boundary setting statements will increase the likelihood you or your loved one can use them when the time comes. 

6. Beat them at their own game

Look at Step 4 in the Bullying Cycle, the “Pay Off,’ and identify what the bully is getting out of this. Is it social status? Managing their own emotions? Control? Time to short circuit the cycle; if you have analyzed what they are getting out of bullying, you can be sure they don’t get it. That might mean you avoid being around them when certain other people are around to limit the social credit they get. Or, it might mean you use the ‘flip the script’ and ‘body language’ strategies below to reduce the attention or reaction they get. 

7. Starve them of attention

You might feel angry, embarrassed, or tempted to get even. Those feelings make sense. But you still get to decide what happens next. Taking a breath, walking away, blocking a message, or talking to someone you trust can put you back in the driver’s seat. Your ability to regulate your own emotions in the moment steals their power.

  • Starve their attention-seeking with your calm responding
  • If you feel you have to respond, use very short and boring phrases with little to no emotion, “sure”, “ok”, “yep”

8. Flip the bully script

Because bullying behavior is part of a predictable pattern, the bully is expecting you to react a certain way. Practice breaking the bully cycle by flipping the script: 

  • Agree and confuse: If they call you a nerd, you can say, “Yeah, I actually do study a lot,” and shrug. When you agree, they have nothing left to argue about.
  • Overwhelmed with indifference: Look at them and calmly say, “Are you done?” or “This is getting boring,” then look back at your phone or book.
  • Laugh it off: If you act like their insult was a silly joke, it can give them hints that their words did not hurt you

9. Use Your Body Language

Our words are just one way we communicate. Your body can speak louder than your words. Showing confidence tells the bully that you are not an easy target. 

To show confidence practice:

  • Stand tall: Keep your shoulders back and hold your head high.
  • Make eye contact: Look them right in the eye to show you are not afraid.
  • Keep your hands steady: Do not fidget, cross your arms tightly, or hide your hands in your pockets.

To show indifference practice: 

  • Confidently remove eye contact: Look past the bully to someone or something else to show them you aren’t paying attention to them
  • Shift positions: Turn your body away from them to indicate you are no longer paying attention
  • Calm/bored signals: Begin to do another purposeful task (e.g., organize materials, get something out of your bag, talk to someone else)

Again, practice makes it much more likely that you can use these strategies in difficult moments.

10. Put your energy somewhere that gives back

Bullying can take up a surprising amount of mental space. Spend some of that energy reconnecting with people who make you feel good about yourself, doing things you enjoy, or pursuing something that reminds you of your strengths. Your life is so much bigger than the person who is trying to make you feel small.

If it continues… Keep a record

If bullying is ongoing, especially at work, school, or online, it can help to keep a simple record of what’s happening. Bullying behavior can be subtle and when we do a good job of documenting its patterns it’s undeniable. When seeking support and intervention from schools, bosses, or human resources, it can speed up the process if there is a clear picture of the bullying cycle.

Dates, messages, screenshots, and brief notes can make patterns of bullying clearer over time. It can also help if you decide to report it.

The goal isn’t to become better at fighting a bully. It’s to become less controlled by one.

The Bigger Picture

Bullying tends to grow in environments where cruelty is normalized, silence is expected, and people are afraid to speak up. Preventing it isn’t just about telling individuals to be stronger. It’s about building spaces, schools, workplaces, families, online communities, where respect is expected and people feel safe to raise concerns.

And for all of us, it comes back to something simple but important: Someone else’s behavior does not define your worth.

You deserve relationships where you feel safe, respected, and able to be yourself without fear. 

Kids, teens, and adults who are experiencing bullying often need support in complex or chronic bullying situations. Being the victim of bullying can really ramp up anxiety and drive down mood and self-esteem. Even after the bullying stops, victims often need support through recovery. And here’s the kicker; bullies usually need help too. Their behaviors can stem from learned aggressive behaviors and deep personal insecurity. 

If you or a loved one is currently or have experienced bullying, do not hesitate to make an appointment today.

https://www.mbh-mi.com/make-an-appointment/ 

Child Wellness Children Therapy Mental Wellness Parenting Teenage Uncategorized By Beth Church 0 Comments

Mental Health Influencers: Understanding & Managing the Impact of Social Media & Gaming on Youth Development

Written by: Julie Braciszewski, PhD, LP

Do you have a tech zombie at your house? Do you walk into a room only to find a loved one bathed in the blue light of a screen, with glazed over eyes and a blank expression? Or maybe you have a tech gremlin. They appear calm and relaxed on screens but then become irritable or even intensely angry when it’s time to get off screens? Or perhaps you have a Youtube-ing, tech-toc-teen  who appears to partake in social media light-heartedly but shows concerning signs of being influenced in negative ways. Chances are, your child is engaging in gaming or social media use, and you are wondering how this is influencing their mental health?   

Screens & Executive Functioning

You’re not crazy… increased time on screens is associated with worse executive functioning. Executive functioning describes the brain processes that help guide goal driven behavior and self-regulation. So if your child seems to have more difficulty completing less-fun tasks such as picking up after themselves, getting ready to leave the house, or even homework, it might be because screen use has gotten out of balance. You might be yelling ‘OMG just get it done!’ in your household lately, you might want to re-examine the amount of tech use and its timing in your household. This balance is especially hard to attain when kids are on screens all day at school.  

Rewards to Real Life

Most apps, games and social media are designed to manipulate the reward centers of our brain. When we get something we want, achieve a goal, or experience pleasure, positive neuro-chemicals and activity lights up our brain’s reward center. You can even see it on brain scans!  When using apps, games and social media we get lots of little and big reward ‘pings’ in our brain without actually having to exert much effort. So when we re-enter the real world and need to do tasks that require sustained effort and result in more subtle or even long-term rewards, we may react with irritation, frustration, and even feelings of helplessness. Some kids and teens will even react with intense anger when it’s time to put down screens and re-enter the real world.  

Identity Building from Social Media

Identity building in the era of apps, gaming and social media is tricky! Content is pushed via algorithms and is based not only on our patterns of viewing and consumption, but also our identifying factors such as age and gender. Our feeds tend to be narrowly based and can become dangerous echo chambers, leading to reduced exposure to people, ideas and information. Research clearly tells us that  this information greatly impacts our thinking patterns, such as what we think of ourselves and others.

The Social Media Sads

Social Media has a complex relationship with mental health. It can provide a sense of connection and positive inclusion in groups, but it can also fuel fear of missing out, ‘should’ thinking, and intensely unrealistic expectations for everything from looks to socializing and material belongings. 

I Am The Influencer Now

We know social media and gaming will continue to have a huge influence on our thinking, behavioral, emotional and social patterns. But if we are aware of these impacts, we can be conscious of having our own positive influence over learning to regulate screen use in our own family and household. 

Here are some tips to consciously engage in screen time and social media use in your household: 

  1. Model good tech use boundaries: Establish tech free zone in the house (e.g., dinner table? Bathroom? Bedrooms?), and tech check-in times (bed time? Study time?) 
  2. Establishing the timing of when tech is allowed in your household is paramount to kids developing self-regulation skills around tech use.  Fostering the mindset that necessary tasks get done before tech time helps hone expectations and self-regulation. 
  3. Step away from screens. Establish a norm of setting phones/iPads down and turning screens off when engaging in work, chores, eating, etc.  Create physical distance between screens and other essential activities.
  4. Build Self-worth and Identity through real-world competencies: Learning tik-tok dances is fun and makes us feel cool with our friends, but witnessing real-world impact increases positive self-worth and identity much, much more 
  5. Shared Values: Take time to sit with your child and teen and consume social media or games together. Your input and perspective does influence their inner narrative

If you feel your child or teen is demonstrating concerning signs of too much screen use or social media consumption, contact us and speak with one of our specialists.

 

CBT Skills Children Therapy Family Therapy Mental Wellness Self-improvement Teenage Therapy By Beth Church 0 Comments

5 Ways to Boost Summer Mental Health

Written & Edited by Dr. Julie Braciszewski, PhD, LP

 

We only get a couple months of warm weather and summer fun here in Michigan.  Let’s make the best of these long summer days! Summer activities, routines, and events pose opportunities to build mental wellness – but we do have to be strategic. Here are 5 ways you can purposefully build and support mental wellness in your or your loved one’s lives this summer.

 

1. Power up Social Skills

Social skills are a major building block of resilience and success for kids and adults. Almost everyone can use some social skill building and summer is the perfect time to work on these strategies. Perhaps you or your child need help learning how to engage in successful introductions to new friends, asking others for help, setting appropriate boundaries, dealing with conflict, or either directing play/activities or going with the flow a bit more? Whatever might help increase confidence and success in social interactions, summertime is a great time to hone these skills.

Here’s how to do it – Make a small list of social skills to practice for the summer. Before a social interaction, identify one specific skill. Talk about the skill and role play the skill; ask when and how the skill might be used. After the social interaction, be sure to talk or journal about how it went. What went well? What could use improvement? What will you do differently next time?

Summer camps focused on building social skills are a great way to build these skills quickly and get professionally guided practice with other kids. If your child is entering grades 2nd through 5th grade, you can sign them up for the Boys Super Social Summer Camp. Girls entering 5th through 8th grade can sign up for the Girl Strong Empowerment camp, which focuses on empowering social skill development for middle schoolers.

More info on MBH camps

2. Leverage Schedule Changes to Build Executive Functioning Skills

While it feels wonderful to be freed from the typical school year schedule, after a few days or weeks, kids often become bored and/or irritable, and parents can feel overwhelmed. Adults and kids who struggle with executive functioning may find schedule and routine changes especially difficult. Summer is an opportunity to develop and practice new executive functioning strategies. For instance, plotting out the daily and weekly schedule can help everyone in the household orient to changing routines and expectations.  For families, this might include mapping out parent work schedules, who is on kid caretaking duty each day, and scheduled activities such as practices, social hangouts, and camps. However, be sure to mindfully schedule free time! Purposefully put it on the calendar so you or your child knows when a block of free time will occur, and we can look forward to and schedule something fun. If your child or teen continues to struggle with their summer schedule, completing daily routines, or getting stuck when faced with transitions, make the schedule visual – color code different types of activities and include pictures. It might seem silly to do for an older kid or teen – but being able to orient oneself to the day with a brief glance really helps regulate emotions and executive functioning.

 

3. Mindful (not mindless) Screen Time

As daily routines and schedules loosen up, screens often fill in the blanks. However, increased screen time is typically associated with decreased positive mood, increased anxiety, and increased irritability. Summer is a great time to facilitate insights and skills that increase screen time regulation – set a daily screen ‘allowance’, ask yourself or your kid how this allowance will be ‘spent’, and follow up by asking how it went or sitting down together to look at screen time on a tracking app. If you or your child has trouble conceptualizing their screen time allowance, make it visual – draw a circle or bar graph to represent the number of minutes that can be ‘spent’ on each app or game. To increase insight and motivation to self-regulate screen time, reflect on days in which you or your child used screens more; how do your/their bodies and brains feel? On days screens are used less; how do your/their bodies and brains feel? Kids and adults often both need help developing the ability to reflect on how screens actually make their brains and bodies feel and enacting effective regulation skills.

4. Focused Bonding

Sometimes the adventures we can have during summer are the perfect prescription for family or relationship closeness. Research shows that when families feel close and connected, including strong child-parent communication, bonding time with siblings and regular family mealtimes, kids and teens are less likely to experience depression. Relationship closeness built on shared experience also impacts adults’ mood and anxiety positively. However, the summer schedule can be overwhelming. One trick is to build in small, focused bursts of relationship focused time. This might look like an end of day 10-minute check in with purposeful physical contact, watching a short video clip that’s part of a series 3-4 times per week, or sharing meals together regularly.  Building relationship routines that include regular, seemingly inconsequential time spent together, as well as larger adventures will help you and/or your child build resilience.

 

5. Address Mental Health Issues Now

Don’t wait for mental health issues to go away on their own. If emotional or behavioral difficulties last more than 2 weeks, it’s not a ‘phase’, get real support and guidance.  Summer is a great time to start therapy, engage in a short-term treatment plan to build resilience, or engage in a camp supporting mental wellness. We encourage people to reach out before a crisis occurs, so that when difficult situations or events occur, you or your child already have coping strategies in place.

 

ADHD Advocacy Child Wellness Children Therapy Confidence Teenage Testing Therapy By Beth Church 0 Comments

How Do We Know ADHD is a REAL Disorder?

 

 

Anastasia Skobkareva, MA.
Dr. Julie Braciszewski, PhD.

Some people may think that ADHD is just a set of habits or a quirky personality type, but the truth is far more in-depth and interesting ADHD is a neurodevelopmental disorder that first appears in childhood and continues to affect individuals throughout adulthood. The label neurodevelopmental means that ADHD stems from differences in brain development. These differences in brain development result in difficulties with emotional and behavioral control as well as the brain processes responsible for planning, organizing, and executing tasks. Of course, most people have difficulties with inattention, overactivity, or impulsiveness at times. What distinguishes individuals with ADHD from those without the disorder, is the far greater frequency and severity with which these behavioral and emotional patterns occur, and the far greater impairment these difficulties cause in many areas of life, such as school, home, work, and relationships. ADHD is primarily a disorder of the cognitive abilities needed for self-regulation. These cognitive, or mental abilities are called executive functions and are the fundamental brain processes responsible for organizing goal driven behavior and inhibiting impulses. Individuals with ADHD struggle to remember what needs to be done, make a plan, conceptualize and manage time, remember and follow constraints and rules, identify ways to overcome obstacles, and experience extreme variability in their responses to situations. They also struggle to switch between tasks or situations, inhibit off task or ineffective behavior, and modulate emotional responding. Getting an accurate diagnosis of ADHD can be tricky because several other disorders have overlapping behavioral and emotional symptoms. Because of this, it’s important to understand how we know ADHD is a real disorder, and how we go about making an accurate diagnosis.

How do we know that ADHD is a REAL disorder?

Many people ask, how do you know ADHD is a real disorder? How do you know these difficulties aren’t just ‘bad’ behavior, ‘bad’ habits, or a ‘difficult’ personality? To answer this, we turn to the last several decades of brain research on ADHD. Research clearly and repeatedly indicates that the ADHD brain is developing differently from the non-ADHD brain. When we look at groups of hundreds or even thousands of ADHD brains compared to non-ADHD brains, the differences in brain development between the groups are very clear. This profile of brain development differences is distinct and does not mirror any other disorder or injury. It is incredibly important to dispel any ideas that ADHD is due to an individual simply not trying hard enough or poor behavioral management. Instead, individuals with ADHD, and parents raising kids with ADHD, are often the hardest working people in the room! So why can’t we diagnose ADHD with brain imaging like a CAT scan or MRI? The truth is, ADHD affects several areas and functions of the brain and is a disorder with a wide range of symptoms and presentations. Although we can tell the difference between groups of brains very clearly, when just looking at one individual’s brain imaging results, the information just isn’t enough to ‘see’ ADHD clearly. This is actually the case for many medical disorders and diagnoses that originate or involve the brain. Many disorders can not be detected by brain imaging alone and require further testing, often by a psychologist or medical professional. To diagnose ADHD we use a battery of tests that assess these specific areas of brain functioning, and also rule out all other disorders that have common symptoms with ADHD, such as anxiety disorders and learning disorders. This type of assessment, a neuropsychological assessment, is an accurate way to diagnose ADHD in both children and adults.

What Causes ADHD?

Research suggests that ADHD is a result of one or more issues that affect brain development. In the majority of cases, ADHD brain differences are due to genetics; inherited from parents. In recent years, specific genes and gene mutations have even been identified as likely causing or contributing significantly to ADHD. However, in a minority of cases, brain development delays are due to subtle brain injuries or exposure to substances or toxins that occurs during gestation, birth, or early childhood. We also know that getting the correct treatment helps brain areas affected by ADHD to develop further.

How are ADHD brains developing differently?

We know ADHD is a real disorder and that ADHD brains are developing differently, but in what ways? The brains of individuals with ADHD have structural and functional differences, as well as differences in brain chemistry when compared to typically developing brains.

Brain Activity

Studies using an electroencephalograph (EEG), which measures brain activity, indicate that the electrical activity in brains of children with ADHD is lower than that of typically developing children. Specifically, children with ADHD have an increased amount of slow-wave brain activity which is often associated with immaturity of the brain, drowsiness, and lack of concentration. Children with ADHD have also been found to have less blood flow to the frontal area and in the caudate nucleus, which is important in inhibiting behavior and sustaining attention. Now, you might be wondering how is it that children with ADHD, who appear more active and energetic than children without ADHD, could have brains that are less active? The areas of the brain that are less active in those with ADHD are those areas that are responsible for inhibiting behaviors, delaying responding to situations, and permitting us to think about our potential actions and consequences before we respond. The less active these centers are, the less self-control and self-regulation an individual will be able to demonstrate. Thus, these areas of underactivity result in more difficulty regulating emotional and behavioral responding.

Brain Chemistry

Neurotransmitters are the chemical messengers in the brain that help transmit information from one nerve cell to another. Individuals with ADHD appear to have less of these messengers, or cells in the brain are less sensitive to them. Specifically, evidence seems to point to a problem in how much dopamine (and possibly norepinephrine) is produced and released in the brains of those with ADHD. Therefor, stimulant and non-stimulant medications, used to treat ADHD, work to make more of these chemical messengers available. This helps with communication between brain centers and structures and produces significant improvements in behavioral and emotional regulation of those with ADHD.

Treatment of ADHD: There’s Hope!

Individuals with ADHD posses a great many strengths such as creativity, ability to hyper-focus on tasks and areas of great interest, and less traditional problem-solving approaches. Evidence-based treatment for ADHD often includes medication prescribed by a medical practitioner, as well as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and parent support. Those uncomfortable with medication often engage in CBT alone and experience a great deal of improvement. While CBT helps the individual develop coping strategies and effective patterns of thinking and behaving, treatment also focuses on building personal strengths and positive identity. Although ADHD is a lifelong neurodevelopmental disorder, and symptoms generally persist into adulthood, we do know that children who are treated with medication and therapy (specifically cognitive behavioral therapy with parent support) have the best outcomes in adulthood. Medications and evidence-based therapy appear to improve brain volume and connectivity over time, implying that engaging in treatment may actually help the brain maturation process. The interaction of increased learning opportunities due to proper treatment also has a positive impact on brain growth and connectivity. As an individual with ADHD obtains treatment, they are actually changing their brain! Treatment for pediatric ADHD should also include a parent component. Parenting support focuses on developing parenting practices and strategies, as well as household structure that support the functioning and growth of a child with  ADHD. Kids with ADHD often do not respond to typical parenting strategies and need more ADHD specific support. And finally, treatment for ADHD also involves receiving support and accommodation in the school and/or work environment. Those with ADHD can flourish when they are working simultaneously to use effective coping and capitalize on their strengths.

 

Anxiety Children Therapy Pandemic Teenage • • By Beth Church 0 Comments

Calming Back to School Jitters:

 

Alyssa Hedke, MA, LLPC

As the days draw a bit shorter, the end of summer marks the beginning of a new school year. Children prepare by picking out their new backpacks and wait in anticipation for their room assignments, all while soaking up the last of the summer sun.  As parents, we want to send our children out into the new school year feeling prepared, confident, and excited. However, we enter this new school year bringing with us the experiences of managing life during a global pandemic. The changes in routines, family life, and ongoing pandemic continue to affect us all. Your child may be more nervous, anxious, fearful, or unsure compared to years past. Here are 4 ways to help with the new school year jitters.

Talk to your child:

Start by talking with your child!  I know it sounds simple – but it takes purpose and planning to set the time aside and initiate the conversation. Research has shown us that children and youth who discussed the pandemic with their parents were less likely to develop stress, depression, and anxiety symptoms. Many parents try to shelter children from current events, but we know that providing measured and purposeful information helps reduce anxiety. Additionally, children often do not talk about their concerns because of confusion or fear of worrying their loved ones.  Encourage them to verbalize their thoughts and feelings about the new school year and let their questions guide you. It’s important to remember that how we discuss COVID can increase or decrease our children’s’ fears. Don’t avoid giving them information that experts say is crucial to their well-being and staying healthy. You should answer your children truthfully and help them develop their expectations for the school year, routines (e.g., masks or no masks, seating at lunch, what will happen at their school if someone gets sick). However, leave out unnecessary details and unknown factors. It’s also ok to say, ‘I don’t know, but we will work together to figure it out.’ This is a great opportunity for modeling calm in the face of ambiguity, as well as collaborative problem solving. You can be a good listener while providing the love and reassurance your child needs.

During unpredictable times, foster a sense of control:

Before the pandemic, schools were a source of consistency in our children’s lives.  For most families, the 20/21 school year included constant changes which disrupted our daily schedules for months on end.  Keeping your child on a regular schedule provides a sense of control, calm, well-being, and predictability.  We can foster our children’s sense of control this fall by structuring schedules and expectations. First, think about your fall schedule and work with your child to make a daily or weekly calendar. Use blocks of color to represent places of activities to make it as visual as possible.  You may think this would only benefit younger children, but we find it very effective with high schoolers and even college aged ‘kids’.  You may also build concrete expectations to help your children foster a sense of control in their world.  Your children may fear getting sick, quarantining, switching to online learning, or closures.  Using language appropriate for their developmental level, describe their school’s new policies and procedures so they feel prepared for structured changes. Be clear about your household and school’s expectations regarding what your child will be doing to prevent COVID spread and infection.  Remind them about hand washing and other safety precautions – these efforts to mitigate spread might seem so simple, but they work!  Lastly, sit down together and make a list of what is in their control during their day.  When children are able to identify what they are in control of, they feel calmer and more confident!

Fight anxieties with activities:

Since the onset of the pandemic, children have increased their screen time and sedentary behaviors. They are sitting more than they ever have before! Engagement in physical activity is particularly important to help reduce anxiety during stressful periods. Research tells us that youth who regularly engage in physical activity report less stress and have an easier time regulating their moods. As kids resume in person school this fall, provide a physical outlet for their difficult feelings. It can take the form of sports teams, walks around the neighborhood, silly obstacle courses in the yard or living room, or simply tossing a ball around. It doesn’t matter how your child chooses to move, as long as they move! 

Stay vigilant and know the signs: 

Most youth will manage the transition well with the support of their family, even if they show some symptoms of anxiety.  Some youth may be at greater risk of developing mental health challenges and will need more support. If you notice your child has exhibited significant changes in behavior or any of the difficulties listed below, please reach out for more support. Research indicates that kids who receive supports earlier tend to recovery faster and have more stable gains in treatment.  Also, if you want general support in providing your child with the skills to succeed and thrive during these extraordinary times, don’t hesitate to reach out.  Emotional intelligence and regulation is one of the greatest predictors of positive child outcomes. It’s always a good idea to support mental wellness throughout a child’s development.

Clues that more support is needed:

Elementary Age Children– irritability, aggressiveness, clinginess, nightmares or other sleep disruption, school avoidance, poor concentration, stomach issues/headaches/body aches and pains, and withdrawal from activities and friends. 

Adolescents– sleep and eating disturbances, agitation or irritability, increase in conflicts, physical complaints, social withdrawal, poor concentration, and rule breaking/oppositional behavior. 

Together we can provide the skills and supports our kids and teens need to feel healthy and confident during these extraordinary times.