The PDA Puzzle: What is Pathological Demand Avoidance and how do we manage it?
Do everyday tasks — like brushing teeth, getting dressed, or household chores — sometimes feel like major uphill battles? Sometimes it’s children pushing back against tasks and routines; other times it’s adults facing the very same challenges at work, at home, or in relationships. If this sounds familiar, it doesn’t mean you or your child are “difficult” or “lazy.” Instead, PDA reflects a very real difference in how the brain processes stress, autonomy, and expectations.
Research has shown that while occasional avoidance is a normal human behavior, some individuals, both children and adults, experience extreme anxiety when faced with everyday demands. This can trigger intense resistance, withdrawal, or even intense emotional reactions. These patterns are known as Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA), a profile of emotional and behavioral responses often seen in individuals who are neurodivergent.
PDA has become a bit of a buzzword on the internet lately. You may have heard it discussed in a Tik Tok or Instagram Reel. But what, really, is PDA? How does it develop? And how do we manage it?
Understanding PDA can help families, teachers, bosses and individuals themselves respond with greater empathy, flexibility, and effective support—so everyday life feels less like a battle and more like a team effort.
What is Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)?
PDA is a pattern of emotional and behavioral responses, but not an actual diagnosis on its own. Although it is common to experience this pattern as part of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), not all neurodivergent individuals experience PDA, and not all individuals who experience PDA are neurodivergent. In short, PDA can be experienced as part of ASD or other neurodiverse diagnoses, but can also be a stand alone pattern.
Typically, PDA is characterized by intense avoidance of completing a task (or tasks) that we have the skills and abilities to do, because it is perceived to be a demand or even request. But we must back up and look at what happens before the intense avoidance, because important cognitive (thinking) and emotional patterns happen first.
Why does PDA develop?
Neurodivergent individuals can experience inflexible patterns of thinking and behaviors, which means they struggle to adapt to change or new information. In addition, neurodivergent individuals may have a difficult time with social communication and understanding social cues. Layer in sensory processing challenges often experienced by neurodivergent individuals, and you get the perfect recipe for overwhelm.
Difficulties with inflexible thinking, adaptation to change, challenges with social communication and sensory overload are brewing under the PDA patterns. They make it hard to understand where a demand came from, and often demands can feel like they came out of nowhere. This creates an uptick in anxiety and rigidity, that then triggers avoidance behaviors and sometimes emotional escalation.
Another common underlying factor fueling PDA is poor executive functioning. Difficulties in executive functioning typically make it harder for individuals to track schedules or structures, especially in social environments. Even seemingly small tasks or chores can feel intensely overwhelming when an individual can’t plan the steps or ‘see’ the end of the task. This overwhelm often incites feelings of anxiety and irritation, causing an individual to throw up barriers and avoid these tasks.
Recommendations for moving through PDA
A collaborative approach to problem solving, highlighting effective communication is a key part for working through PDA. Oftentimes, neurodivergent individuals, children and adults, require more direct communication about expectations, but this can have the opposite effect for those who experience PDA. Here are three tricks for figuring out the PDA puzzle.
1. Sneak in choices, not commands
Make tasks a collaboration. Instead of saying “go put your shoes on” try saying, “red or blue shoes today?” Demands tend to make an individual with PDA shut down the task immediately, but by framing it as a choice, we feel less pressure.
2. Bend don’t break
Not every hill is the hill to die on. Pick your battles carefully. More flexibility on your end, will lead to less anxiety and resistance to fuel PDA. This also means when supporting a loved one, a child or partner with PDA, regulating your own emotional reaction to their PDA patterns is key.
3. Connection first
Focus on being a team first. Individuals who exhibit PDA patterns also often have areas of intense interest. Join in their world and understand their motivations by incorporating their special interests into tasks. This will increase their internal motivation to complete the task and they will feel more validated and understood. If an individual who experiences PDA is comfortable, they are more likely to meet you half-way.
Conclusion
PDA can make getting daily tasks done feel like climbing a mountain. But you are not alone in this feeling, and you do not have to face this challenge alone. Treatment for PDA behaviors focuses on addressing thought patterns, increasing flexible thinking, and building adaptive skills. We can help you put together an individualized treatment plan to address these challenges. Call our office at 248-220-3332 or make an appointment today with the link below.
Recent Comments